Celibacy or Nah?

I must start by saying…this ain’t for everybody.

Carry on.

It was a typical morning at work. It’s part of my job to keep up with celebrity news and after trolling various websites, I somehow stumbled onto Keyshia Cole’s Instagram. I’m not a huge fan, but she shared some personal info that piqued my interest. She surprisingly admitted to her followers that she was celibate for 10 months before any sexual activity and wanted to return to abstaining from sex.

I don’t know if I was more curious about the fact that Keyshia Cole was even celibate (no shade, no tea) or that she stopped practicing abstinence and then wanted to go back, but I began to think about celibacy a little further. I began to think about why most people choose celibacy after years of having sex and what makes some people stick to it and while others don’t.

I’ve definitely been guilty of temporary celibacy. There were countless times when something went wrong in my relationship and I went crying to God—snot-nosed and everything –saying “I’m done. I’m not doing this anymore. I’m waiting until I’m married.” However, both God and I knew my butt was lying.

I often wonder why some women decide to abstain from sex, but then quietly slid off the celibacy bandwagon and hope no one throws it in their face later. If it didn’t work out, you’re back at square one, singing that same ol’ tired song about how you’re over it. Why can’t you just decide that if you feel comfortable enough to be intimate, that’s just your prerogative? Why is there a need to put that pressure of celibacy on yourself when you know you’re not about that life?

I’m not here to bash anyone or tell you whether you should or shouldn’t practice abstinence. I’m simply saying if do decide to be celibate, do that and stick to it. On the other hand, if you don’t, that’s your decision.

Do I think there are tons of reasons why you should wait? Absolutely. If you choose not to, does that mean you’re setting yourself up for failure? Not exactly.

So let’s talk. Should you wait until marriage to have sex or should you do whatever feels right in the moment?


Ashley White is a regular contributor at She Writes Life. When she isn’t unnecessarily shopping for home decor, you can find her thoughts on life, love and relationships here on She Writes Life. Follow her musings on Instagram @love_ashl3y.


  1. says

    I think for my own personal beliefs, I prefer abstinence. It’s not easy…most definitely not easy!! (Especially after you were married and now divorced.) And I’ve had many potential relationships go down the drain because they realized I wouldn’t have sex outside of marriage. But I can say this in defense of my position, I am surprised by how much more peaceful I am, how much more respect I have for myself and generally how much happier I am when I stick by what I believe to be right. I do believe in God, so this is a mainly religious reason for me, but I think if people are honest with themselves, they will see the benefits of remaining “celibate” until marriage.

    • Patrice says

      I completely agree. Although I can’t claim that I am waiting until marriage. I don’t have sex outside of a seemingly committed and monogamous relationship. Yes it feels amazing. Kinda like that “I just chopped off all my hair and I am still beautiful” moment. Just like you said.. Not an easy decision. But definitely one that I am glad I made because I am much happier taking time to learn my self and someone else before I get in bed with them.

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