Failing and Facing My Hard Truths: Day 1

There are two types of days for me. There are the very, very, ever so freakishly good days and the days when life is like using my foot to pick a splinter out of my thumb with a bobby pin in the dark.

Current situation: I work two part time jobs, and I spend all of my extra time and money trying to knock things off of my bucket list.  For example, I am really passionate about creating a leadership program for teen girls. I am working diligently to complete the photojournalism project I started to combat the injustices I see in low-income communities. Also, I should be using my passport more because my wanderlust is REAL. Unfortunately, right now my paychecks and Sallie Mae won’t let me be great.

In other frustrating news, I spent the last 8 months planning a launch event for my teen leadership initiative. Literally 8 months and NOTHING is going as I planned. This feeling of defeat has caused me to lose my mojo or as my grandmother would call it, my “gumption”.

I need to start over.

Not only do I need to come up with a new plan but my resources are low and I need a way to make more money. My time-line is being pushed off schedule and the project deadlines I have set with my sponsors are in serious jeopardy. My dreams are collapsing right in front of my teary eyes and I can’t seem find my damn motivation. This is definitely one of those time in life when you need a drink but don’t waste time grabbing a glass.

Nope. This isn’t the first time I’ve ever been frustrated but this time I’m clean out of good ideas. So, I began mentally bitching and moan at myself to suck it up and figure it out. Seriously, get your shit together Patrice.

So,  what has to happen next? I have to first make a decision to no longer feel defeated. Yes, starting over sucks but the longer you wait the further behind you get.

Here’s how I reboot myself when my creativity is low:

  • I play my favorite music and sing along at the top of my lungs. Trust me this works.
  • I meditate. Now everyone does this differently. For me it’s drinking wine and reading poetry on Pinterest. (Hey, no judgments okay?)
  • I sleep. I take a long ass nap. Being frustrated makes me cranky and sometimes I need to just hibernate.
  • I watch an episode of NCIS. Something about this show drives up my problem solving abilities.
  • I wake up early and watch the sunrise. I don’t care how cheesy it sounds but the peace I get from this absolutely worth dragging myself out of bed at 6am.
  • I rearrange my creative space. Does this really help? I’m not sure. I still do it.
  • I face my truths. Yes, in the end we all have to face our hard truths.

 Today my hard truth is: You can kick ass and have great ideas, but my darling —those ideas might not work out. Most importantly my truth is simply that I am capable, brave, and resilient. So I scream that to the universe and start over.

 

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